Change, The Epilogue

Phew.

Hi.

Long, long, super long time no talk.

For a while, I thought about never returning to blogging. I got tired of it, I got tired of the commitment of it, of having to worry about putting out posts so that people would continue to visit and read my blog. I got tired of all the spam hits from Russian porn sites. But I think that most of all, I just needed a break this summer. Towards the end of the school year, I became someone that I'm not exactly proud of. I really wasn't in a good place. I was just...melancholy and upset about anything and everything for no apparent reason. I was angry and touchy and bleh.

So when school got out, I just wanted and needed a break. I don't think I realized it at the time...I tried to maintain the same conversations with my friends and tried my best to continue with this blog...but I couldn't.

At the end of May, I got my job at Starbucks. I think that's when I really started to change, and for the better. I've done what I do best and compiled a list of changes from this summer:

1) I got a job (more on this later).
2) I got my license (best thing of my life).
3) I lost friends.
4) I made friends.
5) I cultivated and expanded my sarcasm and humor (and we all know I was already hilarious).
6) I became more confrontational (probably not a good thing).
7) Even more than before, I learned to step up and solve problems, even when I don't necessarily know the solution.
8) I really don't think anyone can call me shy anymore. I'm just...not (refer back to items 5 & 6).
9) I stopped worrying so much all the time and started trusting God more.
10) I became even more hopelessly addicted to coffee.

And etc.

Basically, it's been a lot of little, tiny, slow changes that might not even be noticeable. But I've noticed. I feel different, as cliche as that may sound. I can honestly say that for the most part, I haven't been this genuinely happy in a very long time. I laugh more (refer back to items 4 & 5 of my list) and I enjoy more things than I used to.

I'm not going to say that this is all because of my job, because it's not. But I think a lot of it is. A combination of my job, the responsibility, the freedom, the dealings with customers, the handling of problems, and the (mostly) wonderful people I work(ed) with.When I started at Starbucks, I didn't have to be anyone at all. There were no expectations of me. Actually, my co-workers were expecting me to be some anti-social, quiet, dorky homeschooler. And I didn't go there planning to be somebody I wasn't. I didn't go in there planning to be anything. I went there to work. I never expected that I would be able to completely be myself, find people I like, people who like me, let loose, and have some of the best times I've had in a long time.

And now, at the end of three months, I feel so much better than I did on the last day of school. In the state of mind that I was at that time, I don't think I would be able to deal with this coming year and all of its daunting responsibilities and decisions. And I'm not saying I'm invincible now. But I've learned to embrace, even welcome, change. And most of all, I've learned to rely on God completely, which is something that will be beyond priceless to me this year.

So, in summary, that has been my summer. I didn't go on crazy vacations and trips or have the most fun and exciting summers ever, but it has been one of my favorites.

If any of my wonderful followers have stayed with me through this hiatus, I'm grateful to you. I'm not one hundred percent that I'll go back to blogging regularly (because I'll be crazy busy and also because I'll have to ease into it) but I'm sure that this year, I will need this blog as a crutch and an outlet and I would love for ya'll to read along with me as I go through my final year of high school.

Also.

It.

Is.

Fall.

I don't care what you say.