Long time....

...no talk.
Again.
Sorry guys.
For ya'll who still actually read this.
All 3 of you!
Kidding.
I think it's like 2.

Anyways!

I miss blogging. A lot. I can't even tell you how many times I come on here, all poised to write something, my fingers hovering over the keyboard in anticipation...and then I just...stop. Because either I can't think of anything to write, or I don't like what I have to write about, or I realize that nobody else would like what I write about.

But I suppose that I'll write you a nice long, juicy post since I've been falling back on this blog...basically this entire year so far.

I guess at the core of all this lies the fact that I'm going through a lot of changes right now. And it's sort of hard to write something that will make sense for other people to read when your thoughts will do a complete 180 from the time you think them to the time that you go to write them out.

My thoughts and feelings about other people are changing, some of the stances I've taken are changing, my interests are changing, and my entire life in general is just...changing. And I hate change. Change to me is like baths to cats. They do not mix.

And then another part of me feels like everyone around me is changing and moving on and doing things and I'm just...stuck. Completely still. I don't write anymore. I really, really don't. And it stinks. A lot. But like I said, I've been having trouble with writing about all the stupid changes in my life. And then I go to write about all these changes and suddenly I feel like nothing is changing.

Get it?

Yeah, me either.

So now that I've gotten all of that out of the way...I'll do what I do best. And write you a list...of things. Random things. I'm good at that, rightttt? Nod yes.

1) I have debate in four days. It's starting to get intense. My class gets so vicious towards one another. It's so fun.

2) I only have 3 classes left for my college class anddd I have too much left to do for that class! I have no more words on that matter. For the words that I do have may not be understandable to the rest of the human race.

3) I'm going down a road again that I promised myself I would never go down again and it's happening exactly the same as last time except maybe worse because there may be more at stake this time....And again, I have no more words on that matter.

4) Spotify is my new favorite thing on the face of this earth. It's pretty darn great.

5) I finished my driving lessons! Finally! It only took a year! And now I can schedule my driving test...whoooo.....

6) I have no books to read. No books to read.

7) Sometimes I wonder if I say too much or too little. I guess it depends on who I'm talking to.

8) Family Force 5 concert #3 tomorrow. I can't decide if I actually voluntarily go to these or if my sister is telepathically forcing me to go. Because...there's always this split second moment of apprehension and then I'm all psyched for it. A little suspect, if you ask me.

9) I am throroughly addicted to tumblr now. It's like a disease. A disease that I avoided for over a year! And then I caved and there's no going back.

10) Here's lookin' at you, kid. I don't know. That phrase just popped into my head and I really wanted to use it. I just...don't know...where that came from. My apologies. :P

Alright guys...I hope that post wasn't too painful to read. I am going to leave now and recollect my thoughts and hopefully within the next week or so I'll be back with a coherent post...although I'm pretty sure I say that every time!

_______ Is Like Exercising

If you guessed "Blogging is like exercising" you were correct!
It's one of those things that it's hard to get back into the rhythm of, ya know?
I have been so hectically busy it's not even funny.

But I'm on Spring Break (halfsies, at least), I have coffee, Spotify, and the wind blowing into my own room.
That's riiiiiight. I have my own room. That's how long it's been since I've posted. I have my very own room for the first time ever!
The best part is I can do my nails in the middle of the night. 
It's the best.

What else is new...

I've been volunteering at the local assisted living place. It's been he...nevermind. I helped dye eggs today though, and that was actually fun! It's so amazing to see these elderly people who are often so withdrawn and out of it remember dying eggs when they were younger and just come to life (no pun intended?). It was great.

I have also been stressing, but to the max. Even more than usual. It's not good.

But I've just decided to take things as they come and have fun because YOLO. I apologize for the use of that on my somewhat-educated blog. But it had to be done.

And actually, I was told by my professor today that my writing has a good level of complexity appropriate for analytical writing and that he can definitely see me going into the field of writing and that that is an excellent idea. I think it made my week.

What else is new ahhhh. It's been too long, guys!

I only have one driving lesson left!!! Then I can schedule my test yessss.

I'm now thoroughly addicted to The Voice.

Did I mention that The Vow was a crap load of a movie?


The Hunger Games was the exact opposite. Best movie of my life.

Except for the fact that I saw it three times and jumped all three times at the exact same time, two of which times I knew it was coming. And my grandmother didn't even jump at the part. My grandmother.

And on that note, I shall leave you.

I hope you all have a blessed Easter!

16 Going On 17

Hey, all. Sorry I've been MIA lately.
I've been busy.
And not had much to write about, unless you feel like hearing about my school work.
And honestly, I started a tumblr. So...haha.

Anyways. I'm basically just here to post this...

Because guys!

I have been waiting my entire life for this to be my song.

My whole life.

 And I have no one to sing it with. 

Like, seriously, my last Birthday, I was all "IT'S FINALLY MY SONG!!!"

Then life got in the way and I forgot about it for a few months.

And then I remembered.

And now I plan on enjoying it for the next few hours. And, who am I kidding, the rest of my life.

:)

Don't You Know Who You Are?

Buckle up, kids. This one's gonna be a bumpy ride.

I'm lost.

I'm stuck.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I lost track of myself and just...everything and I have no clue when it happened.

I'm bitter and hurt and sad and angry.

At everybody.

At nobody.

I like to mope and grovel and pretend that my life is a heck of a lot worse than it is.

But when it comes down to it....I don't know who I am anymore.

Somewhere along the line, in the mix of trying to figure out what I want to do, where I want to go to college...of wanting to get the heck out of town and never look back and wanting to stay here, in my room, with my cat and my blanket and never leave...of being bitter and angry that he chose her over me...I lost myself.

And I wandered.

I wandered so far from God.

I tried to define myself.

But I've already been defined.

I am not defined by what I do, who I am, or what I have given to God. I am defined by what God has done for and given to me.

And that?

That takes the world off of my shoulders. 

& We'll All Float On Okay

...do I already have a post titled that? Oh well...

So, this morning, I called about eight volunteer places.

None of them answered.

I was freaking out. To the max. And, I'm not gonna lie, I was getting a little bit of an attitude towards God. Because sometimes, when I pray, I expect instant results. And I shouldn't. And I know that. But it's an easy pit to fall into.

Nonetheless (I love that word...) I continued praying and making calls...at 1:20, finally, a place called me back and said they had a slot open and I could come get my paper signed. My first thought?

Thank you, Jesus. 

 So now, I have a signed service learning contract, a humbled heart, and a vat of coffee. Like, can we just pause and talk about how huge this cup is?

It's a trenta. 31 ounces of perfection.

Lastly, I'm listening to this song (there's a link there & I dunno why it isn't showing up! But click it...it's there), which I have been listening to and singing since I got the call.

So, to all my lovely readers, don't forget that life goes on. God is sovereign. Coffee is golden.

So...it feels like I haven't posted in forever...and it's been less than a week.
Maybe that's because I've done enough stressing to last me a year.
Ugh.
For my college class, I have to do a ten hour volunteer thing, off of which I'm going to base my entire end of the semester paper/documentary on.
The form is due Wednesday.
I have yet to contact the people.
And only a part of that is my procrastination....I also entered the class late. And had to wade through all the places to find the ones that you could be under 18 for. And there are only certain times when you can contact them.
So basically, if I don't get through tomorrow and get that form signed, I may fail the entire class.
And tomorrow's a stinkin' holiday.
Like, hello there, Abe Lincoln, thanks for ruining my life.

I am trying to breathe properly.

Anyways.
In other news...there is no other news. My life is boring, just as it always has been. And will be.

That's all, really....that I had to say....please pray for me that I'll be able to get the form in on time. And be able to breathe easy once again.

Siiiiiigh.
Bye.

Feet, Martians, And Other Meanderings

You're going to have to start reading this post with a bit of imagination. I was going to have a picture of a foot. But then I realized I cannot, and yes, I mean cannot, stand the sight of bare feet. At all. Like...agh.
But my feet-phobia isn't what this is about.
(Picture of a foot).
^ That is what I put in my mouth. Every other minute. I would try to make up an excuse for it, but I'm not in a lying mood (not that I ever am). See, what happens is that I assume things and my mind runs it through and spits out a premature opinion. And this begins the foot in mouth process. I should really stop. But you have to remember here, I have a vastly imaginative...imagination.
Regardless of my lack of good words, you get my point right?
Good.
Anyways! That's all I have to say on that...sorry I haven posted in a bit but I've been sort of...busy...x10.
I will spare you the gory details of my hectic week and just say that yes, I do love being busy, but I hope terribly that this week is a bit more mellowed out.
Also! Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. AKA "The World is Mocking My Lifestyle" day.
Well guess what, multi-million dollar Valentine's Day industry? I like being single! Oh, sorry, said I wasn't in a lying mood....
But actually, I'm not one of those super anti-Valentines people.
But the holiday has been sort of tainted for me...
When I was an innocent six year old, we were living in apartments and my brother's best friend lived right under us.
My older sister, who would have been seventeen and a rotten stupid teenager (y'all know what I think about that species...) decides to tell me that I absolutely had to have a Valentine. Like. Life or death. And me, the innocent six year old, looking up to my big sister, believed her. And when I asked her "Who is your Valentine?" she just said "That doesn't matter," and I believed her! I never thought myself to really be a stupid child...but I guess I was just, erm, blinded by my respect for her. So, Zach, my brother's best friend, loved (loves) Marvin the Martian. And we had a grocery store called Mars near us and they were giving away free Martian toys/figurines.
Can you see where this is going?
So...we took the Martian and decked him all out with magazine clippings, embellishments, etc.
Let me just tell you now that I don't remember a whole lot of stuff from that time period. In the year that followed, some not so good stuff happened and I blocked a lot out.
But! I remember distinctly...knocking on his door...throwing that daggone Valentine alien at to him and booking it back upstairs to our apartment.
Embarrassing right?
Of course, Zach is basically just my brother now so it's all good fun in the past and I can laugh about it now.
But poor, innocent six year old me had Valentines ruined forever! Forever...
And that is why I will be holed up in my room tomorrow doing homework as per usual watching I Hate Valentine's Day.

Happy day of love, y'all!
<3