. . .

I seriously can't even think of a title for this post...I don't even know what this post is going to be. I might end up writing a mile of words and then deleting them.
I'm sitting here...alone, in my dining room when I should be asleep (This is gonna say it was posted on Wednesday, but it's actually just late on Tuesday) And usually around this time of the week, I would be posting ten things that have made me smile. But I can't find it in me to do that. I've had so many conflicting emotions over the past week that I just feel plain exhausted. There have been moments that I've been so happy and carefree, moments when nothing mattered but being with the people I love and laughing until I cried. But there have been other moments where I've been feeling so down and so upset that I didn't know what to do with myself.
My problem is...I feel too deeply. I care about people at such a strong level that when something happens, I beat myself up over it, even if it's not my fault. I walk around and say "Oh I really dislike so and so because..." but I could never hate a person. There is always at least an ounce of something in me that still cares about them.
So if I really still care about the people who make me angry on the good days...you can imagine how deeply I care about the people that I actually like.
And...I can feel myself drifting away from someone in my life who, up until recently, I thought was just...so important to me. And it wasn't my decision to put space between us, but it was something that I had to do for my own good. Because I felt so deeply about them...I couldn't watch them drift away from me.
It feels almost selfish to walk away, when I feel like I'm blindsiding them. And I still don't even know if it's the right thing to do at this point in time. But it's the one thing that doesn't feel wrong.

Um...yeah, so now that I've spewed out a ton of depressing things. Here's at least a few things that have made me smile this week:

1) Tomorrow is my last day of driver's ed. I have mixed feelings about this...I'm glad I'll be done with the wretched experience (except for one class I have to make up) but then again, I'll miss being able to see my bestest, best, best friend in the world four out of seven days of the week.

2) As of tomorrow, I have two weeks of school left (at Granite at least...of course I'll still be slaving over math all summer. As usual.) I have absolutely no mixed feelings about this. It's 100% pure, unadulterated joy.

3) So I totally just found this...but it's so stinking great. I gotta share it.

4) The band Since Forever. Sooo...I don't even know how to talk about this without sounding like a crazy teeny-bopper (ack, I remember when I really was one of them) fan girl, but I will attempt....I saw them in concert, which alerted me to their presence on this earth. And if you know me, then you know I go through short bouts of obsession. I basically focus on one band/movie/book, etc, intensely for like a month or two, then I move on. And every time, I say "I will be obsessed with this band/movie/book, etc, forever." It never lasts. At least not as intensely?
Whoo, okay anyways. Their music is so happy and bouncy. They sing about heartbreak and I'm sitting here grinning (not sure if that's a good thing?). And. And. And. They have Southern accents. And they're Christians. And one of them is named "Taylor" and they don't say it like "Tailor" it's like..."Tayyyylor". Makes me laugh.


Are you seriously still reading this?

5) I totally confused Elizabeth during driver's ed last night. We tend to um...pass notes...and the notes went something like this (starting with me):
"Javier is the name of your future boyfriend. Like Have-ee-air."
"What?"
"Javier! Future boyfriend!"
"We've never talked about this!"
"Well duh, I just met him on Saturday."
"What are you talking about???"
"On June 25th, 1994, a very pregnant lady was craving tacos. Her husband drover her to Taco Bell, but her water broke and there was no way to get to the hospital. So a beautiful brunette, green eyed little boy was born. They wanted to incorporate his birthplace into his name. The husband, being crazy, suggested "Pinto" (as in beans), but the wife suggested Javier. Javier Robert Johnson-Smith. He's 6' 7", plays soccer, football, and basketball. He's sweet, thoughtful, and kind. Javier Robert Johnson-Smith wants you to be his girlfriend!"
"Go away."
I even downloaded a picture offline (of Tayyyylor, heh) and saved it to my phone, showed it to her, and told her it was Javier.
It was great.
And if you've actually read all of this...I feel like you should get some sort of prize. This has been one of my most ridiculously pointless posts of all time. I don't even feel like posting it, but I will, considering I've written it. But I'm guessing this is one of the worst things I've ever written, so maybe I shouldn't post it?
I'm posting it. And I'm going to sleep. And I promise I'm going to think of readable things to blog about.

But before I go!!!!! Swimming with Dolphins. I love them a lot.
Okay, g'night.